Life becomes easier when we learn to CELEBRATE REJECTION!!!
(And yes, it feel opposite of what we tend to default to, so I will explain.)
Often when we feel hurt, rejected or unseen by those we love and desire to connect with, it is a simple form of PROTECTION and therefore, we get to celebrate the ease with which we are kept from harm through rejection.
Many times I have felt the devastating sting of feeling rejected, especially those I truly loved and cared for. However, the part they were rejecting was not ME. I was never rejected, as I became unconsciously proactive towards being the perfect chameleon in order to avoid anyone not wanting me or deeming me unworthy of love.
I learned that rejection was not just painful, but essential for my survival from past abusive relationships and therefore, I was always the “version” of me I thought a specific person would want. I created these sides of myself to with the understanding that others only needed to see the “good” portion or the side that would match their side.
We often hold the belief that by being what another wants, we will never be what they don’t want and therefore SAFE, Loved, and supported.
A major flaw with this unconscious plan, is that we base our intel on what we think we should be others based another person’s assumed point of view. Most often, when we speculate what another is or isn’t thinking, expecting, or desiring, we are inaccurate or they may change their mind later!
For me, even when I was accurate of another’s desire of how I show up in the world, many times it caused me to show up completely opposite from my own authentic self. While caught in the cycle of being what I believe was expected of me, the people I feared rejecting me most, eventually did. It hurt like hell. However, in retrospect, I realize they were rejecting a version of me that wasn’t ALL me, so it was not me they were rejecting…rather the limited facade of me I allowed them to see.
Most of the rejection we have felt has not been a rejection of our best selves, it is actually more rare for a person to be vulnerable enough to let their whole authentic self be out in the open enough to be rejected.
If we are feeling the pain of rejection, here are some questions to ask ourselves:
“Have I been showing up authentically in my interactions with this person?”
“Have I been holding back out of fear of being ‘too much’ with this person?”
“Does this person emulate all I wish to become?”
“Would I want to trade places with this person?”
“When I interact with this person, do I feel more/less joy, energy, self confidence and peace?”
“Is this person expecting me to be what I used to be or different from what I am?”
These questions may appear simple, however when our heart is feeling broken we can let our emotions block our clarity. Toxic or misaligned relationships will be revealed when rejection begins to stir.
Wisdom gained through the emotion of rejection is to be celebrated! Here are some ways we are protected through rejection and we can love the awareness of when we are not in alignment when people are around us:
- “Birds of a feather, flock together.” The more we are around like-minded, like-hearted people, the more we embrace all of our own self-identity and feel safe enough to grow. People that do not resonate with us at our current state are not necessarily “bad” or “better” they are just on a different channel, just like a radio station. Variety of music does not dictate which is better, just different. As we grow, evolve or discover new parts of ourselves, we may decide to change our own station. If someone is used to us always listening to oldies, they can absolutely send rejection our way if we switch it to gangsta rap. It doesn’t mean anyone is broken, just different.
- By being rejected, we are protected from those who will not see our best selves, that may require us to shut down, lesson our gifts or second guess our own deserve level in order to salvage the connection. If we are constantly cautious of causing waves or irritation in another, we hold back and second guessing becomes second nature.
- Rejection yields protection from space being taken up in our hearts, time and minds that would leave us at capacity and unavailable for new connections and relationships to form that would better serve our true purpose. By inviting themselves out of space in a moment or even our whole life, they create space for someone new that DOES align to enjoy the journey with us for awhile.
- Protection from wastefulness. From our efforts and time being spent with people and in areas that will not receive all that we have to give, let alone reciprocate. To give to someone that will never feel satiated only consumes resources that can be spent where they will be utilized, magnified and cherished. (Making us want to continue to create, give and share!)
- Rejection pushes us towards our desires. It’s not always about being pushed away from something, but rather towards something else. Rejection is about emotional movement and change. When another disapproves, it offers opportunities to “tune in” to ourselves and even a higher power to evaluate our desires and our path. Sometimes, we may be out of alignment of where WE desire ourselves to be and anthers rejection is a wake up call to reconnect with our own path.
At the time of rejection, it may feel empty, and our hearts may mourn at what might have been, however in the rejection, we have the creation of space, pure joyful efforts and light to share with those that will not reject it.
We can give at a greater capacity when what we share is received warmly and reciprocated.
Remembering that some will see us, some won’t love us, someone is always waiting for us to shine their way. It is not our job to dictate what another will approve about us, simply to show up as the best we desire to be and let those that love us flow to us.
Love & Light,